I just don’t know how to react when someone sends me a selfie. I mean, should I say “Wow! You really got yourself at the perfect angle in that rest room!” Dear friends, please don’t tag me in a photo that is so prehistoric you have to scan the photo to make it digital. No one here is into studying history, sincerely everybody born before 2010. Social Media Status like My mum’s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you’re Pa’s in hospital LOL.
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
She is so fake that she should have two facebook accounts; one for each face !!!
Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
Funny Status for Facebook
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he needs more proof.
It’s funny how I am good at giving advice to others but when it comes to helping myself, I don’t know what to do!!
All the cutest and scariest animals are in Australia. How do you Australians get anything done? So much petting and fending off.
I’ve heard a few women mention that they love to get gifts from men that take their breath away…I’m thinking treadmill
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas
Absolute truth: It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach, one human hair can support 3 kg, the length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb, woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s, women blink twice as much as men, body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still, while women have already read the whole text, men are still looking at their thumbs.
I was just thinking, what if car bumpers were filled with candy so if you got in a car crash, it would explode like a piñata. ” Sorry ’bout the crash, but look free candy!!!”
If you are ready, then get ready to laugh and use this same Social Media Status for your own profiles. I was told by my friend and mentor Mr. X that if you want the people to come to you, learn to make them laugh.
Boobs are like the Sun…you can stare at them directly just for a few seconds. But if you put on sunglasses, stare as much as you want!
Girls Are Like Apples On Trees. The Best Ones Are At The Top Of The Tree. The Boys Don’t Want To Reach For The Good Ones Because They Are Afraid Of Falling And Getting Hurt. Instead, They Just Get The Rotten Apples From The Ground That Isn’t As Good, But Easy To Get. So The Apples At The Top Think Something Is Wrong With Them When In Reality, They’re Amazing. They Just Have To Wait For The Right Boy To Come Along, The One Who’s Brave Enough To Climb All The Way To The Top Of The Tree.
Social Media Status
Jesus Doesn’t Have An iPhone, But He Is My Favorite Contact. He Doesn’t Have A Facebook, But He Is My Best Friend. He Doesn’t Have A Twitter, But I Follow Him…Even Though He Doesn’t Have the Internet, I’m Always In Communication With HIM!!! Post On Your Profile If This Applies To You…My God Is An Awesome.
Every now and then when I’m in a room alone I say out loud, “I know you’re listening”. If I’m wrong, nobody knows. If I’m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I finally got around to reading 50 Shades of Grey and I don’t see what the big deal is… I mean its no different then all of the other Sherwin Williams brochures that I’ve looked through.
People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?
Do Subtle Things
Go on his profile pictures and change all the captions to stuff that is witty and hilarious – who ever goes and checks through their own profile pictures.
Set the default setting for his status updates to be visible to only himself, and you (and maybe a couple of others who you can let in on it) so that when he posts stuff like ‘Just took a dump that looked like Gus Poyet LOL’ and hopes for lots of likes and comments, by Social Media Status he will think he is being completely ignored and will get really upset. I’ll try and remember some other stuff